Even in the Dark

These past few weeks have been a roller coaster for me. I've fallen head over heels for a boy and I'm hoping for the best.

But this isn't going to be one of those posts.

I am one of the most independent women you'll ever meet. I love being around people, but I don't let people run my life. I don't give 50, 30, or even 10% of myself for anybody else. I have my own dreams, my own goals, my own happiness, and I'm not going to risk any of these taking sideline.

I love my friends and I love other people but, at the end of the day, I'm the one I'm going to sleep with at night. I'm the one whose thoughts are going to be racing through my head. I'm the only person whose opinion will matter. It's not about being selfish, it's about being able to look in the mirror every morning and smile.

I've set my heart on what I want and this little beating thing can't take no for an answer.

Just a little about me:

I love everybody, just in different intensities. I love making people smile and I love laughing with everyone else. I love smiling and I love being the happiest person a lot of people know. I love being an optimist and I love the term "Carpe Diem." I love being calm. I love being who I want to be at any given moment of time.

I love the feeling I get when I have a good hair day. I love dresses and skirts and tights. I love pretty, old, kitschy things. I love tacky clothes because I can make them work. I love obnoxious earrings. I love flat shoes and high heels. I love wearing flip flops in the cold weather. I love pearls and I love feathers in my hair. I love fake flowers and real plants. I love dangling earrings and bangle bracelets. I love satin and I love lace.

I love the sound and smell of rain, even if I don't like being in it. I love walking home in the snow. I love biking in the Spring. I love mowing the lawn and I love weeding. I love walking through the park and I love walking through big cities.

I love music and I love art. I love bass and guitar and piano and ukulele. I love wanting to play any instrument I can get my hands on. I love the ability that I usually can. I love drawing and painting. I love the way clay feels in my hands. I love the way my muscles feel when I work with metal sculptures. I love expressing myself through anything I can: walls, doors, ceilings, windows. I love writing almost anything. I love being that person that keeps a notebook with her all the time. I love writing on napkins when I'm bored.

I love being that girl. I love everything, just in different intensities.

Viva Chicago

Photo by the amazing hellopoe on flickr.

It seems almost fitting that my first post is about one of my favorite things in the world: Chicago. I love Chicago more than music, more than love, more than happiness. People always call me crazy for being in love with a city but, then again, when you find the one place that you truly belong in, you can have everything else.

Like Dorothy said, "There's no place like home."

I've grown up all over the country - a few years here, a few years there - and I've been almost everywhere I haven't lived. Born in the South, 5 years in Kansas, 2 years in the middle of nowhere (aka Wyoming), and then going on 7 years here in Ohio. It's not that I regret where I've been, but, when a place is detrimental to where I'm going, I can't help but feel resentment.

I went to Chicago over spring break of eighth grade. I haven't been back there since. This is hopefully going to change very soon with a short trip for my birthday. When I first went, I immediately knew that this is where I was meant to live. This was where I was meant to thrive. This was perfect.

Here, people focus on two things: education and money. My town is drowning in greed and it's not going to get any better. In Chicago, people are more invested in just living than anything else. Happiness comes first in my book. I'd rather do everything than have everything and Chicago is going to be the only way out for me. This is my one chance to get away from everything and have a new start in life. Chicago is a breath of fresh air when I'm drowning in lost hopes.

I may dream big but at least I'm getting somewhere.