Even in the Dark

These past few weeks have been a roller coaster for me. I've fallen head over heels for a boy and I'm hoping for the best.

But this isn't going to be one of those posts.

I am one of the most independent women you'll ever meet. I love being around people, but I don't let people run my life. I don't give 50, 30, or even 10% of myself for anybody else. I have my own dreams, my own goals, my own happiness, and I'm not going to risk any of these taking sideline.

I love my friends and I love other people but, at the end of the day, I'm the one I'm going to sleep with at night. I'm the one whose thoughts are going to be racing through my head. I'm the only person whose opinion will matter. It's not about being selfish, it's about being able to look in the mirror every morning and smile.

I've set my heart on what I want and this little beating thing can't take no for an answer.

Just a little about me:

I love everybody, just in different intensities. I love making people smile and I love laughing with everyone else. I love smiling and I love being the happiest person a lot of people know. I love being an optimist and I love the term "Carpe Diem." I love being calm. I love being who I want to be at any given moment of time.

I love the feeling I get when I have a good hair day. I love dresses and skirts and tights. I love pretty, old, kitschy things. I love tacky clothes because I can make them work. I love obnoxious earrings. I love flat shoes and high heels. I love wearing flip flops in the cold weather. I love pearls and I love feathers in my hair. I love fake flowers and real plants. I love dangling earrings and bangle bracelets. I love satin and I love lace.

I love the sound and smell of rain, even if I don't like being in it. I love walking home in the snow. I love biking in the Spring. I love mowing the lawn and I love weeding. I love walking through the park and I love walking through big cities.

I love music and I love art. I love bass and guitar and piano and ukulele. I love wanting to play any instrument I can get my hands on. I love the ability that I usually can. I love drawing and painting. I love the way clay feels in my hands. I love the way my muscles feel when I work with metal sculptures. I love expressing myself through anything I can: walls, doors, ceilings, windows. I love writing almost anything. I love being that person that keeps a notebook with her all the time. I love writing on napkins when I'm bored.

I love being that girl. I love everything, just in different intensities.