Restless Souls

So, sitting here on my bedroom floor, next to my unmade bed, a mug of peppermint tea, two dollars, and a homemade coupon for one lap dance, I sometimes worry about my path on life. I have religious books I pretend to read, projects left unstarted, and songs still unlearned. I want to take life one step at a time but I often feel like I'm tripping over my own feet, with no one left to catch me.

It's not that I have no one to trust. You have my trust until you lose it. I just feel like, if I'm going to fall and hurt myself, I might as well be the one to blame. I've relied on myself for most of my life, through countless tragedies that have left me broken and scarred, with hope for tomorrow, and a sometimes worryingly bright outlook on life. The world is a beautiful place and I sometimes forget to remember it, left in a dizzyingly alcoholic fog somewhere, looking at the stars.

We all fall under the same night sky, sometimes into our own beds, sometimes into someone else's. But we judge life choices, from the people we love, to the people that love us. And sometimes it isn't love, sometimes it's the fine line in between the lust of skin and touching and the creeping tendrils of the heart. I'm never sure which I want more, having had both, and I'll stick with my past and present experiences and say I'll take the in between stage, no matter how caustic it may be.

Regretting my life choice as I do sometimes, I would much rather make my mistakes over again, if I had the chance, than fix everything that went wrong. Even if it has left me with my unmade bed, my tea, my two dollars, and a lap dance. Life goes on.

-jrd