Karma

In my town this weekend, we have the Black Swamp Arts Festival. It's a place for artists and musicians and culturally different people to gather together in harmony to appreciate the arts and appreciate our differences that make each other beautiful.

Unfortunately, we were a bit hindered. Bowling Green is going through a transitional period. The town is trying to pass an ordinance that would ban discrimination because of sexual orientation and other meaningless things. And, due to this, we got bible thumpers trying to push hellfire and brimstone on people at the festival. They were technically not allowed to preach in the festival perimeter. They could have preached outside the barriers, but they didn't. The festival committee did not approve them. The people preaching were also trying to sue the festival for "impeding their freedom of speech."

Do not get me wrong. I don't mind religious people. But I do mind people screaming at me that I am going to hell because of who I am and what I may or may not believe in. I believe in all paths to god and I am not going to tell you how or what to believe. Just because I don't believe in god does not mean I am going to rot in hell for eternity. I stated my opinion to these evangelists and got back spews of hate.

After having angry debate between a few of the people, getting videotaped, and getting a lot of highfives and thumbs up from bystanders, I only got one thing out of this: I am going to hell. Yeah, okay. I didn't particularly agree with all this anger and hate coming back from them, so I went up to one of the the guys holding up the "Unsanctioned Street Performer" signs, and asked if I could have one. He was more than happy to give me one and I spent a good hour and a half holding up my sign in front of various bible thumpers (one of whom is my classmate.)

We got so much support. Everyone was telling them to shut up and leave and I was getting so many smiles and thumbs up. I had at least ten people say that I was doing a good thing. I felt so accomplished that I was doing some good to counteract all the hate. I just wanted some good to come out of all of this and I was glad I could do my part.

Love always wins.

-jrd

With you and no one else.

I want to fall in love. I want to fall fast and hard and never look back.

Chicago, don't you dare stop waiting for me. I can feel the love that's going to happen when I break out of my cocoon.

Watch this butterfly fly.

-jrd

DIY: how piercing my nose taught me life lessons

Almost a month ago, I pierced my nose. The night before I was going to go visit my sister in Minneapolis, I threw all caution out the window and pierced my nose. I did everything myself and have learned more lessons about life than I ever could imagine. I'll explain everything step by step.

This was not planned.

Sometimes you have to go with your gut instinct and do it. Piercing my nose is against my school's dress code as well as something that is severely frowned upon by the people that raised me. But I wanted to do this. I've wanted to pierce my nose for a couple years now and was going to wait until I moved to Chicago. But I got this crazy idea in my head and I went ahead and did it. I didn't hesitate about it. Was it a smart idea? No. But not all decisions that you make in life are smart. I cling to my spontaneity and will continue to do so.

I pierced my nose by myself.

To do something right, you have to do it yourself. I could have gone to a piercer or gotten one of my friends to do it. But I knew that if I was going to go through all this hassle, I was going to do it myself. I was going to put myself through the pain that I knew this would cause to get my finished product. I'm a very independent woman and, if I can do something on my own, I am going to do it. I've stopped relying on other people because, at the end of the day if something fails, I only have myself to blame. The only person I have to answer to is the one in the mirror.

I accidentally went too far and started bleeding.

I hit the side of my septum while piercing my nose. If you go too far with things, sometimes you bleed. Sometimes physically, but many times it's metaphorical. There's a fine line between pushing yourself and ending up hurt. And that night I went too far.

I got the stud in just fine

There's nothing like the feeling of accomplishment you get when you see the finished product. I've never been more proud. I sat there staring at myself in the mirror thinking, "Did I really do that?" Sometimes the awe and shock of what you just did takes time to set in. It didn't really set in that I really did pierce my nose by myself for a couple weeks. I was so giddy every time I saw myself and I felt so amazed.

The healing process

This has been a long and tedious one. The first few days, it hurt to move my nose. I kept bashing it and hitting it while washing my face. Even if you're proud of something and feel accomplished because of it, you can always still have that lingering pain. You have the lingering "what if"s and the opportunity costs you gave up because of every decision you make. The next couple weeks were hassle-free. Everything went according to plan. Calm seas and blue skies. But, just like any situation, it was the calm before the storm. It's a bit infected at the moment, but nothing I can't fix. You hit forks in the road and snags in your life. It's unavoidable and you just have to deal with it. But the way you deal with it is also important. I decided to hit this head on and fix it right now. There was pain, blood, and a lot of time, but everything is looking better now. Fix the problems as soon as you can or they're going to haunt you for longer than you want. Everything needs time to heal, some things just take longer than others.

Life is complicated and life is short, but it's the little choices in life you make that end up making the biggest impact.

Believe in the Believers of Never-ending Love

There's nothing worse than unrequited love. You are everything I could want and I could be what you need. There's this sick sinking feeling in my stomach and I just want to scream at the top of my lungs that, "Here I am, just notice!" But you wrap your head in your own little world and pretend that this will play itself out. But you sit there and move on with your life while I'm dropping more hints than bombs in WWII.

You have nothing to lose and you have everything to gain. I've never wanted anyone to take more of a chance on something than you on me.

I've got a bigger heart than you'd imagine and that's all I have to give. It's not who you are up there, it's who you are down here. Your head is in the clouds and I've never given up on my dreams. Everyone thinks I'm crazy but I'd rather be crazy than stop this feeling. I've lost my Buchanan curse of settling. I drive myself and you're the end of the road.

You're the California coast you promised you'd take me to. I'm the girl you'd never find in the city lights that have always seemed to blind you. You're a city boy and I'm a city girl, what could be better?

But with every day, I know you won't answer the phone. I won't get that call and I've been broken to the point of giving up. The little ember in my heart is struggling to stay lit for you. I'll keep it there, barely flickering until you realize your regret.

I'm going to get out of this city and you'll never know I was gone. You'll look around and feel in your heart that things just aren't the same. But I'll be more than a picture on a wall. I'll be the hope that things may really change and that people do follow their dreams.

So I'm not the average girl. I don't do things like everyone else and you are damn right that it's going to get me everywhere in life.

Follow my lead and we'll tango through the stars.

Even in the Dark

These past few weeks have been a roller coaster for me. I've fallen head over heels for a boy and I'm hoping for the best.

But this isn't going to be one of those posts.

I am one of the most independent women you'll ever meet. I love being around people, but I don't let people run my life. I don't give 50, 30, or even 10% of myself for anybody else. I have my own dreams, my own goals, my own happiness, and I'm not going to risk any of these taking sideline.

I love my friends and I love other people but, at the end of the day, I'm the one I'm going to sleep with at night. I'm the one whose thoughts are going to be racing through my head. I'm the only person whose opinion will matter. It's not about being selfish, it's about being able to look in the mirror every morning and smile.

I've set my heart on what I want and this little beating thing can't take no for an answer.

Just a little about me:

I love everybody, just in different intensities. I love making people smile and I love laughing with everyone else. I love smiling and I love being the happiest person a lot of people know. I love being an optimist and I love the term "Carpe Diem." I love being calm. I love being who I want to be at any given moment of time.

I love the feeling I get when I have a good hair day. I love dresses and skirts and tights. I love pretty, old, kitschy things. I love tacky clothes because I can make them work. I love obnoxious earrings. I love flat shoes and high heels. I love wearing flip flops in the cold weather. I love pearls and I love feathers in my hair. I love fake flowers and real plants. I love dangling earrings and bangle bracelets. I love satin and I love lace.

I love the sound and smell of rain, even if I don't like being in it. I love walking home in the snow. I love biking in the Spring. I love mowing the lawn and I love weeding. I love walking through the park and I love walking through big cities.

I love music and I love art. I love bass and guitar and piano and ukulele. I love wanting to play any instrument I can get my hands on. I love the ability that I usually can. I love drawing and painting. I love the way clay feels in my hands. I love the way my muscles feel when I work with metal sculptures. I love expressing myself through anything I can: walls, doors, ceilings, windows. I love writing almost anything. I love being that person that keeps a notebook with her all the time. I love writing on napkins when I'm bored.

I love being that girl. I love everything, just in different intensities.